What Did I Do?
While I was immersed in my dead cat coma, this blog’s one year anniversary passed me by. So I guess I’m going to do the 13 month anniversary post instead… an accounting of all the awesome shit you...
View ArticleDon’t Jerk at Work
I am absolutely mortified by the idea that people may have thought I was ripping Jon Stewart off with yesterday’s post.* So I’m doing a little bonus post this week. Hopefully Jon hasn’t done this one…...
View ArticleDid You Notice My Haircut?
No. I’m not your lover. Making some socially appropriate comment about an inch or two of dead cells sheared off your head isn’t going to get me laid (or paid, for that matter). So, whether I noticed or...
View ArticleBring Your Umbrella
I’ve been invited to go skydiving. On some level, this seems like a lot of fun. On another level, it seems like a great way to shower my breakfast down onto people below – from one orifice or another....
View ArticleInnocent and Pure
Once upon a time, I was innocent. Pure, even. Shut up. It’s true. Wanna know who ruined it? Vocals and guitar in this video: I was 12 (Maybe. He thinks I was 13.). He was awesome… and 14. Derek was my...
View ArticleUse it or Lose it?
Two weeks after giving it a new battery, the clock in my kitchen did this: And then it stopped. I guess I’ll describe that as fairly irritating, with overtones of a Stephen King novel. ***** You know...
View ArticleI Love Sushi (wink)
A friend of mine has started dating online. And while I’m sure I told her about my online dating rules, she neglected the most important of all: Always fuck on the first date. After an investment of...
View ArticleWTF, POF?
I find it amazing that I live in a world where people know what that title means… Yesterday, in order to do research for my blog and online-dating buddy, I created a profile on Plenty of Fish. Much to...
View ArticleI Wish I Had a Penis
“Lick my cunt hole” has yet to be accepted into popular vernacular. Since I can’t run around yelling about my cunt (because that’s somewhat frowned upon), I’m reduced to wishing I had a dink to stuff...
View ArticleI Can Save the World!
So I’ve been watching “The 4400” lately. Because Netflix is the fucking shit and makes it entirely possible to live vicariously through fictional people for days at a time, coming up only for food and...
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